A letter to myself as I drop my youngest at Kindergarten.

Hey mama,

You did it. You made it. You grew, birthed, and prepared two kids for school. You’re here. It’s time. You’re going to take them to their school, drop them at their class, give them a squeeze and let them go. Let. Them. Go. You will be home alone and it will feel so strange.

You are crying as you write this. Straight up ugly crying as you think of that day, quickly approaching, and wishing the summer would stay just a little longer. Or hell, forever. Just one more summer, one more year, just a little longer.

You quit working, at a job you were good at, and stayed home all day, everyday with your babies. Some of those days felt like YEARS. Some days you were impatient and then filled with guilt. You couldn’t wait for them to go to bed, but then missed them immediately. Well, maybe not immediately.

You wish you’de spent less time on your phone, and less time cleaning. You wish you spent more time playing with them, reading to them and just been MORE PRESENT. You wish you had been more patient, said yes more, and never yelled.

You remember all those well-meaning grannies at the grocery store saying, “Cherish every moment.”, “These days go by fast.” “You’re going to miss this”…(*read in granny voice for proper effect.)

At the time you thought, “Take a hike, granny!” because you were throwing snacks at your whiny toddler and “shushing”  your fussy baby in the carrier. But bless those grannies, they were right. Those were the days.

But mama, these are the days too. You are going to be challenged and blessed in the next season too. Do not mourn too much. You still have work to do.

You are going to let go of your regrets. You are going to feel proud of your kids, and yourself. You are going to joyfully guide all of you into the next season. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GRIEVE ABOUT THE PAST BEING OVER AND MISS WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS. You did more good than bad, mama. You have done so much. You taught them to share, sleep, use a toilet, eat vegetables, blow their noses, and put on their own shoes.

Your husband missed dinners and bedtimes so you could do this. You are filled with gratitude for the time you had. You are excited to see what they’ll do, and devastated that they’ll both be gone all day. It’s okay to be sad. You’re going to miss them and that’s okay, too. You want them fly, but stay in the nest. You want them to be successful, but still need you. That’s motherhood.

You don’t feel ready, but you can do this. You’re going to encourage them, and smile through your tears and tell them they’re going to love it. And you’ll mean it. You won’t cherish every moment in the next season either, but dangit, you’ll try to. Time just goes by too blasted fast. You know that now.

Go home, drink a whole cup of coffee while it’s still hot, close the door when you go pee, go for a run,  take a nap, read a book, go to the store by yourself. Try not to count down the minutes until you pick them up.

These are the days.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

Galatians 6:9

2 thoughts on “A letter to myself as I drop my youngest at Kindergarten.

  1. So sweet. You have definitely done more good than bad! Everyone who knows your precious kids can see that right away! You’re an awesome Mama!

    Liked by 1 person

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